Love in 2-D and the Somewhat 2-D

Nii-san and Nemu-tan

Fin alerted me to this interesting funny-as-hell article from The New York Times. Normally, I’d stick news articles that interest me in the side column, but this was too good. A few of my favorite excerpts after the cut, bolding emphasis mine.

Now, after three years together, they are virtually inseparable. “I’ve experienced so many amazing things because of her,” Nisan told me, rubbing Nemutan’s leg warmly. “She has really changed my life.”

Wow, must be true love!

Nemutan doesn’t really have a leg. She’s a stuffed pillowcase — a 2-D depiction of a character, Nemu, from an X-rated version of a PC video game called Da Capo, printed on synthetic fabric.

D'awwwww.

Oh.

Nemutan is 10, maybe 12 years old and wears a little blue bikini and gold ribbons in her hair. Nisan knows she’s not real, but that hasn’t stopped him from loving her just the same. “Of course she’s my girlfriend,” he said, widening his eyes as if shocked by the question. “I have real feelings for her.”

As Nisan and I talked, Nemutan stared demurely at her pumpkin soup.

I’m sure Nemu’s just trying to watch her figure.

In the few hours we spent together, I watched him position her gently in the restaurant booth and later in the back seat of his car, making sure to keep her upright and not to touch her private parts.

Of course he wouldn’t–that would be weird!

He doesn’t take her to work, but he has a backup body pillow with the same Nemutan cover inside his desk drawer in case he has to work late at his tech-support job.

Big surprise.

He knows it’s weird for a grown man to be so obsessed with a video-game character, but he just can’t imagine life without Nemutan. “When I die, I want to be buried with her in my arms.”

It’s impossible to say exactly what portion of otaku are 2-D lovers, because the distinction between the two can be blurry.

Hehe.

According to a government survey, more than a quarter of men and women between the ages of 30 and 34 are virgins; 50 percent of men and women in Japan do not have friends of the opposite sex.

Damn.

The guru of the 2-D love movement, Toru Honda, a 40-year-old man with a boyishly round face and puppy-dog eyes, has written half a dozen books advocating the 2-D lifestyle. A few years ago, Honda, a college dropout who worked a succession of jobs at video-game companies, began to use the Internet to urge otaku to stand with pride against good-looking men and women.

…in 2005 he released a book condemning what he calls “romantic capitalism.”

What’s a good title? The 2-D Manifesto? The Moe Manifesto?

When he admitted to watching human porn at a panel discussion in Tokyo in 2005, several hundred hard-core 2-D lovers in the audience booed with shock that their dear leader had nostalgia for the 3-D world.

He woke up the next day to find an icepick through his favorite pillow.

“There are two things you should be mindful of when buying a body pillow,” Okayama whispered as we combed the aisles, trying not to disturb the handful of other men perusing the merchandise. “First, there’s image quality. And then you have to choose one that feels good on the skin.”

Ugh, so materialistic.

Okayama was an early adopter of 2-D. He discovered anime about two decades ago when he was new to the work force and feeling suicidal…. That’s when he encountered Sasami, a blue-haired, 10-year-old cartoon character from the anime “Tenchi Muyo!”

Oh do go on.

“Sasami gave me the will to keep going….” [Sasami] consoled him when his first real-life girlfriend dumped him in 2007. “I was steps away from getting married,” he explained earnestly when prodded about his experience. “You have to make sure you don’t hurt a real person; you have to watch what you say, and you have to keep your room clean.”

Yeah I can see how that can be a deal breaker.

Momo, whose real name is Toru Taima, has more than 150 body-pillow covers at home. His current favorite is Karada-chan, a copper-haired sixth grader from the anime “A Direction in the Day After Tomorrow.” She’s fully clothed in the cartoon, but in Momo’s imagination and thus on his pillow cover, she appears naked, her cheeks flushed, her prepubescent nipples hidden by her forearms, her white panties rolled down to her ankles. A translucent square etched onto the pillow cover censors her hairless vagina.

Look, we’ve got class here. You won’t find your uncensored, hairy vaginas ’round these neighborhoods.

Every night, Karada-chan and at least two other animated preteens, drawn with large pink nipples and exaggerated labia, share a mattress with Momo, one on each side and another on top. “They’re so cute, I can’t stand it,” he said shyly.

A-a-and then?!

Does he have sex with her? “Yes.” Is he interested in real women? “It’s not like I’m completely uninterested. But the last girl I really liked was when I was 12 years old.”

:I

“Her existence to me is like daughter, younger sister and bride all put into one.”

:I

Momo told me he never looks at child porn… “To me, these are works of art. They’re cute girls that live in my imagination.”

“Dad… Dad, I’m not a pedophile–she’s 2-D. What’ll the difference be? One’s true love and the other’s a mental sickness! Dad… dad, pu-put Mom on the phone.”

But not all 2-D lovers, as Toru Honda recognized, are ready to cast reality aside entirely. I couldn’t help remembering what Nisan told me, Nemutan held tightly in his left arm, as we walked out of the restaurant to the parking lot. “Of course I want to get married… I’m pretty conflicted inside. People say there are some otaku who don’t want to get married, but that’s not true. Some have so little confidence that they’ve just given up, but deep inside their souls, they want it just as much as anybody else.”

I’ll be honest–I feel a bit sorry for this guy. A bit.

Don’t give up, Niisan-kun! Hang in there! Ganbatte! Feel free to read the entire article.

This reminds me of something I saw on Japanorama: guys who spend thousands and thousands on real dolls. In fact, here’s a guy (Nyoro~n: “Kinda looks like Mario.”) who maintains and rents out real dolls to others to, well, do whatever the hell they please.

“These are the genitals…”

“I’ve become attached to them. When they’re dirty, I feel like the parent of the daughter who has been raped. I wash them thoroughly, then I thank them.”

Here’s another lover telling us why real dolls are so superior to those silly flesh creatures who bleed every month.

“I can have sex whenever I want. I don’t have to take them out to dinner or even buy them presents.”

These cost approximately 5000 US dollars by the way. And yeah, some lovers of real dolls have way more than what you see here.

“I might do it three for four times a night. You see–the heads are interchangable so it goes a long way… I’ve come to realize I own very little things I can call mine apart from dolls.”

Oh, he does have one special lady out of all of them.

Oh Nano-chan (sp?). I hope this has been educational to you all.